What might I really believe?
As a Jesus fan, I know what I should believe, but in the context of day-to-day life belief is messier, less clear cut and inevitably more mysterious. We all adopt philosophies for life that shape how we live and form the basis for many of the decisions and choices we make. A friend was having some doubts about the whole God thing a few weeks ago so I quickly scribbled down a few random completely incomplete thoughts to see what it is I really believe in day to day…
At the most basic level I believe I exist. I believe that there’s something greater than me, that made me, and created a vague sense of order and creativity in all I see around me. I believe he is good and I call him God. I believe he is incomprehensible.
In me are desires. Wants. A seeking of pleasure and security. Comfort. Connection and relationship with others.
I believe I feel more complete when I live a life of generosity; when I live for the good of others. Sacrificially. In pursuit of their joy. I believe that seeking my own ends will make me miserable and ultimately prove meaningless.
My belief is stubbornly “to whom else can I go” [in respect to Jesus]. I see no alternative. I feel no alternative. I want no alternative. Even if I decided God to be mere imagination, I would still choose sacrifice. It brings joy. And joy lasts. Pleasures don’t. They come and go, rise and fall, but always fade. They don’t last. They always have a low-hanging ceiling, that seeking to break through will either kill you or at least dehumanise you. If I get to the end of my life and it turns out God doesn’t exist, that Heaven was an illusion of my mind, what have I lost? Has the world not been a better place for my living as if he did?
I believe in goodness. And love. In beauty. In gentleness, kindness and mercy. In respect, honour, dignity, light. I believe in work and development. In growing, in cultivation of all things good. I believe in rest, in relaxation, in appreciation. I believe in solitude and crowds. Retreat and participation I believe in spending myself for the sake of others, that the greatest beauty is displayed in the most costly sacrifices.
I believe I will live forever, but don’t know where for sure until I get there. I’m not afraid of death, i’m curious, i’d just rather not have to die. It doesn’t look nice, even if it’s passing is natural. I believe that one day i’ll understand everything, that i’ll see Jesus’ face as he welcomes me Home.
I’ll probably add to them at some point.